when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
