You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
