Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
