As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
