dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
