I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
