Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
