she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
