So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
