Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
