he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
