why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
