im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
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