You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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