Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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