I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
