youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
