The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
