Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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