doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
