Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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