Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
