I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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