Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
