He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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