I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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