i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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