why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize