I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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