I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
