note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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