She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
