So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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