I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
