If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
