He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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