Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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