I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
