yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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