Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
