yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
