Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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