but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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