Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
