I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
