dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
