You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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