This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
