I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
