did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
