I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
