hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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