someone threw a dead crab at me
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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