i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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