...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
