just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
