did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
