He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
