I wanna passion pit in your ass
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
