I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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