when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
