just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize