I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
