anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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