if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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