Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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