I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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