You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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