I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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