I am in a vortex of obligation.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
