I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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