the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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