This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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