I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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