you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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