the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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