I'm going to jail i love you
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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