I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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