i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize